Hello, and welcome back! I am pleased to say we are getting closer to the current. So much had happened prior to the day I decided to share this story with the world. I didn't feel it would be right to not start from the very beginning. I also didn't want to water the story down in an effort to catch you up quickly. I assumed there would be days of waiting where I could catch you all up... and I was right.
We last left off having learned my pathology report came back positive for cancer. I don't recall much of what the dentists said after the "big reveal" but I am pleased to say their bedside manner was top notch. I definitely felt as though the entire dental clinic had my best interest in mind.
Immediately following the announcement of having cancer, one of the dentist escorted us into the administrative section of the main clinic. He introduced Jessica and I to two very lovely ladies. We were told that these ladies would be my case managers and that if I ever needed anything, they would be the ones who would ensure it was taken care of. When I say that these ladies were lovely, I certainly mean it. If there was a black belt in bedside manner, they were of the tenth degree. Jessica and I were brought back into their office where we had our own little personal meeting with the two of them. By this point Jess was holding onto my arm for dear life. (I'm glad she had been because I felt like passing out from the recent news.) It was nice to learn that both ladies were registered nurses and had many years of hospital experience-in both patient care and as administrators.
I must had got lucky because one of the gals had a son that survived mouth cancer, and had assured me that I would be okay. I wasn't ready to believe I was in the clear, but I was pleased to know I had a source of information if I needed it.
The case managers went on to tell Jess and I what we could expect to happen over the next few weeks. They also made it a point to tell me to stay away from the internet because I would only scare myself. (Ya....okay!?!) I thought that was funny... Had I listened to Doctor Google from the start, I could have saved myself six months of cancer growth. It felt like Jess and I were in that office for a millennium. The more they tried to comfort me, the more agitated I could feel myself become. I was so upset about the initial blow of having cancer that I was tuning out 90% of what they had to say. In fact, I even had the audacity to tell these two lovely nurses that I was not hearing any of it because I was wrapped-up in my own state of shock and frustration. In hindsight, I feel bad for having acted like a punk, but something tells me they understood 100%. I was entering the second stage of grief: anger.
The days immediately after were somewhat a blur. I spent a lot of time thinking about the future. I also spent a lot of time reading up on mouth cancer from the internet. (Yes... I completely disregarded the nurses warnings.) I also had to work because our staffing levels at the fire department have been atrocious.
I made the decision to be open about my cancer. After all, its not like I got cancer from doing some kind of deviant act or something else completely embarrassing. I planned to use my cancer as yet another life experience I could share with others who may find themselves in similar struggles. It is ironic that I have been working towards getting certified as a Resiliency Training Assistant. Much of what I had been learning to teach became a constant reminder of what I needed to be aware of as I faced this disease head-on. I found myself living within the lessons.
I began contemplating whether or not to document my journey on a blog. (Obviously you know what came of that decision.) The biggest factor in my wanting to write a blog was for my kids. Kids are funny creatures. They only remember what they want to remember and have a uncanny way of blocking out any information they don't find value in. This blog will allow me to present them with the story of my cancer-for whatever purpose it may serve in their lives later down the road.
Now, if I may be honest with you... I am confident I will beat this disease, but there is always a hint of concern. Cancer is scary as $#!% and knowing that half a million Americans (this year) will fall to its devastating clutches is not something I'm willing to overlook. I have yet to find any statistic that states 100% of mouth cancer patients survive. Granted... it appears I have caught my cancer in its early stages. I also know that I am young and in relatively good shape. These factors alone give me great hope. I'm also stubborn as a mule which will prevent me from rolling over and taking it like a chump.
My biggest struggle at this point is not knowing anything other than the fact I have cancer. I don't know what type of cancer I have, where all the cancer exists, or what it will take to clear me of this disease. For someone who is extremely analytical and constantly in search for more information, this has been torture. I've been scheduled for one medical appointment, but that is not until the 15th of February. That's exactly a week and a half from the day the dentists informed me of my cancer. It feels like FOREVER. The appointment is to see an Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) surgeon at Banner University Medical Center. This is the University of Arizona's medical school. I guess my desire of being a Wildcat will be fulfilled in more way than I could have hoped for.
We are now in a waiting game. I will have no other information pertaining to my cancer until I see a doctor. I am at the mercy of Dr. Google, who has only filled my head with possibilities. It could be this bad... or it could be this good. I don't know... ANYTHING! For now, I try my hardest to see the cup as half full. Sharing my story has helped me cope, and hopefully, the next time we meet I will have more promising news to share with all of you.
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