Pink Hearts and Slow Moving Carrots

Buenos dias from Tucson, Arizona! Welcome back to yet another blog. I am very happy to report that this blog will catch us up to the present. I will most definitely be writing two entries today. This first entry will catch you up to the present, and the entry I write tonight will fill you in on a very important appointment I have this afternoon. I know there have been many blog entries over the last two weeks, but I hope to slow down now that we are all caught-up. Don't give-up on me yet!

I believe we last left feeling helpless while anxiously awaiting my first medical appointment. I'm not a patient person, so having to wait a week and a half for information is torture. What makes matters worse is not having answers for those who care about my well-being. I feel like everyone around me is sitting alongside me on pins and needles.

I mentioned in an earlier blog entry that I have continued working at the fire department as normal. February 13th was a Monday-the day before Valentines Day. I was working a 24-hour shift that day, trying to wrap-up a contract review for an outside agency. I had an appointment with the Fire Chief to discuss the results of the review. As we sat in his conference room discussing the talking points I had wanted to cover, my cellphone rang. Now, normally I would not have a cellphone turned on, nor would I answer it while in a meeting with my boss. I had been expecting a call from my case manager, which was not a call I was willing to miss, plus, my Fire Chief is completely understanding of my current situation.

My phone rang. The call was from a Tucson area code, but not from a base number. I was intrigued. I excused myself from the meeting to take the call. It was the receptionist for the ENT surgeon I had been anxiously waiting to see. She informed me that my appointment for the 15th of February had to be moved to another date due to an unforeseen circumstance. I was immediately irritated. Trying to maintain my composure, I ask her what my new appointment date would be. "Our next available is March 1st." WHAT!?! That's over two weeks away! I was trying not to kill the messenger, but she could hear the frustration and panic in my voice. I felt like a prisoner being told his sentence had been extended ten years, just days before his scheduled released. I felt like crying out of frustration. I just wanted answers...

I stormed back into the fire chief's conference room. Before he could ask me what was wrong, I had begun ranting and raving about what had just transpired. He also became irritated, which was a comfort to know that I was not the only one dying for answers. I asked the Chief if I could further prolong our meeting so I could call the case managers. Without hesitation, he told me to handle my business.

I immediately called my case managers to seek assistance. It couldn't have been more than a second after the initial greeting that I had begun ranting about my frustrations. She was totally on my side... at least she made it sound like she was. My case manager promised me that she would immediately look into the situation and see if there are any acceptable solutions to this problem. I was still agitated, but her calm demeanor and willingness to help was putting me at ease.

Knowing there is cancer in my body is quite unnerving. I know the cancer is not about to spread throughout my body overnight, but not knowing the extent of its growth and reach is frustrating. I also know I am not the only person on Earth, and that there are many others like me in need of medical attention. But, when it comes to facing a deadly disease, it becomes very hard to remain rational. I can't help but to feel as though every minute counts.

My phone rang again. It was my case manager with good news. She informed me of a new appointment, scheduled for the 14th at a new doctor. She also told me that she would leave the appointment at Banner on the books until I decided whether or not I wanted to use this new doctor. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of not going to Banner, but I was over the moon to know I had an appointment. The 14th? That was the very next day! It was also Valentines Day.

After thanking my case manager, I immediately reached out to Jess to tell her what had just transpired. She told me that she had some inspections the following morning, but should be done in time to accompany me to my appointment. It is important to me that she is with me throughout this journey.

My appointment with the new ENT surgeon wasn't until noon, which was okay because I had a morning appointment with my podiatrist. My new orthotics were in, so I had to get those measured and cut for my new shoes. If you recall, this entire cancer story began after I had been to the podiatrist. When the doctor entered the exam room, he asked me how everything was going. I chuckled, which was immediately met with a look of perplexity. I went on to tell him what had occurred over the last two weeks, which was met with sympathy and best wishes. I got my new magic shoes and went on my merry way.

I hadn't gone shopping for Valentines Day, so figured I probably should considering I was scheduled to pick Jess up in the next couple hours. I stopped by the Base Exchange and got Jess a dozen roses, a beautiful card, some dark chocolate hearts, and a bottle of red wine. I had everything staged in the truck so she would be surprised when she opened the door.

I picked-up Jess from her work and we headed to my first doctor's appointment. It was a thirty minute drive, which neither of us seemed to mind considering it was Valentines Day and we were getting to spend some alone time together. We arrived at the location, which was settled in a "hoytie-toyie" part of the Catalina Foothills. The office looked very professional and clean. Apparently my scheduled appointment was an hour later than what my case manager told me, but that was okay... at least I'm getting to see someone.

I was eventually called to the back. Jess went with me. We first stopped at a nursing station to gather a set of vitals. After the nurse completed my vitals, we were guided to a small exam room. Looking around the clinic, there was a lot of information pertaining to different diseases and ailments pinned on walls, but oddly, nothing about cancer. This was a little concerning considering I hadn't seen anything cancer related on the clinic's website either.

The doctor entered the exam room with a look of confusion on his face. He barely said hello as he sat down still thumbing through my medical information. The doctor asked us why we were there, which I thought was odd considering he was holding my medical records. He saw that I was scheduled for a consultation with the doctor at Banner on the 15th of February. I explained how the appointment got moved to the 1st of March and did not want to wait. He went on to inform Jess and I that he does not specialize in cancer surgery and that he would only refer me to another doctor. He concluded by telling us that the doctor I was scheduled to see at Banner was the best. Now... when one doctor tells you another doctor within the same field of study is the best... that should carry a lot of weight!

I began to feel that this appointment was a bust. I pleaded with the doctor to provide me some information that I could take back with me; something that would at least give me a better idea of what I was dealing with. He asked me if I knew anything regarding the type of cancer I had. I told him only that it was squamous cell carcinoma.

The doctor educated Jess and I on what my pathology report said. He explained that we all have squamous cells throughout our body. They make-up the top layers of dermis on most our organs, the inside of our mouths, and our outer skin. The carcinoma simply means "cancerous skin cells." He also explained that my cancer cells are well-differentiated. The term differentiated refers to how aggressive the cancer cells are, and how likely it is to spread. Carcinomas can be well, moderately, and/or poorly differentiated. My cells are well-differentiated, which means it is not aggressive and moves slowly. This is good news! The doctor also informed us that my cells extend to the skeletal muscle at the specimen base. Basically, instead of growing outward like a vine plant, my cells are growing downward like carrots. This can cause complications because the most likely method of removing the cancer will be through surgery. Radiation works best against cancer cells that grow like vines. The rooted cells are deeper, which are more difficult for radiation to penetrate.

Jess and I left that appointment feeling more educated than we had been. I still had to wait for my other ENT appointment on the 1st, but at least I had some information. I was also referred to a radiation oncologist and a radiology clinic to have a PET scan completed. My appointment with the radiation oncologist is scheduled for the 20th of February, which will be the next time I have new information regarding my case.

For now, I will continue living my life while waiting as patiently as I can.