A Cloudy Future

Welcome back! I can't stress how much I've missed you all. Stepping away from the blog really highlighted how much it meant towards maintaining my sanity through-out my journey with cancer.

Speaking of my journey with cancer... it turns out that my journey is far from over. Before I get to that, allow me to step back for a moment so I can catch you up to the present.

The last time I blogged, I had just been tattooed; commemorating my journey with cancer by having the word fighter placed on my forearm. To me, that tattoo represented mission accomplishment. I had prevailed over surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. I had my body and my spirit put through a gauntlet. My resiliency had been tested more so than ever before. And through it... I validated my warrior ethos.

I felt it was a good time to put my blogging on hold so I could focus more on getting my life back on track.

Since then, I have re-entered the workforce. Today marks the beginning of my second week back to work. It feels amazing being back in uniform - doing what I do best... being an American Airman.

I have also taken the necessary steps to continue my education at the University of Arizona. For those of you that did not know... I was working towards my second Masters in Business Administration. The program I was enrolled in was 100% online. I didn't mind the online program, especially after having completed both my bachelors and first masters completely online. As much as I don't mind the online structure... I felt as though I had missed out on the college experience. With that said, I reached out to the dean and inquired about swapping over to one of the in-residence programs. The university does not normally allow students to swap programs, but they were willing to make and exception for me. So... stating in August, I will be attending UofA as an on-campus student. I have enrolled into the evening program, where I will attend classes every Tuesday from 4 pm to 10 pm. This is an opportunity I ever thought would be possible. If you knew my academic background, you would understand why this means so much to me.

Since my last blog, I have also had two medical check-ups. One was a week and a half ago with my radiation oncologist and the other was today with my medical oncologist.

My radiation oncology appointment followed suit with all my other RadOcn appointments. Jess and I got there early just so we could sit in the waiting room to wait upwards of an hour before getting to see the doc. When I did see the doc, it was like playing stump the chump... where I was the chump and the doc tried his best to prove that I was worse off than I really was. Now, if you recall... I was supposed to feel the effects of the radiation for a month to two months following my last treatment. I did feel horrible after treatment, but I healed quickly. Well, apparently I healed a lot quicker than my doctor would have expected. He was quite impressed with my progress. As he ran down a list of common ailments to be expected, I shot them down one after another. The only negative outcome to that appointment was finding out I had to take a couple medications everyday for year or more. Aside from that, I will not return to Radiation Oncology until November.

Today was my appointment with the medical oncologist. She is the doctor overseeing the clinical trial I agreed to way back when this whole nightmare first started. Anyway... my appointment kicked off with my doctor and her two assistants entering the examination room. One of her assistants is a resident in training, while the other is her nurse. Both have been engaged in my treatment since the very beginning.

The team of three entered the room together. We immediately jumped into conversation, most me filling the team in on how I've been over the past month and a half since they saw me last. Luckily Jess was there to fill in the blanks as I skimmed over important details.

It was very evident the team expected me to be worst off than I was. My doctor had me jump-up onto the exam table so she could get a better assessment of my medical status. When she looked into my mouth, she was taken back. So much so, she had the other two gals look into my mouth as well. I don't know what in my mouth was so impressive, but clearly she had some reservations on how well I thought I was.

So... I'm looking good. Where do we go from here?

I've engaged in many discussion over the past week and half in regards to my future in the Air Force. I have not seen my primary care provider yet, so knowing where exactly we are in regard to the Medical Evaluation Board is uncertain. All I know for a fact is that a team of Air Force doctors must determine whether or not I am medically fit to continue service in the Air Force. The two biggest contributing factors are whether or not I am able to do my job and whether or not I am able to deploy. Being that I'm healing well, I have been feeling confident that I will soon return to full work status, having no reason for the Air Force to separate me.

Ideally... I'd like to finish my twenty year career. Twenty years is considered a full career... and after seventeen years, being this close only to be given the boot would be a slap in the face. Twenty years is the minimum amount of time I need to receive a retirement check. That retirement check means everything after having given seventeen years of my life to the service. Walking away with nothing more than a thank you would set me back tremendously.

Anyways... back to the doctor.

So, my medical oncologist goes on to tell me they have been piecing together my Survivorship Care Plan. This is the plan they are putting together, tailored specifically for me, in hopes of providing me all the treatments and care needed to ensure this cancer never returns. This care plan is designed to take place over a two year period, with doctor visits scheduled every three months at a minimum.

Ah... every three months for two years? That is going to create a problem.

This means I will remain NON-deployable for another two years. This means I will remain useless in the eyes of the Air Force for another two years.

I explained how this care plan might hurt my chances of finishing my twenty years in the Air Force. My intentions where not to avoid the care plan, but to voice my concerns. My doctor heard me out then went on to inform me that she knew for a fact the military and VA treats all head and neck cancers as being service connected. This basically means the military assumes responsibility for my having developed cancer. This is great news for me. This means I have a good chance of collecting a decent disability and/or medical retirement check if they deem me unfit for service. So... as much as I want to do my twenty years... I feel confident I will walk away having Uncle Sam take care of me.

So... my future outlook.

I have another appointment scheduled for September 18th (the day before my birthday.) This appointment will determine a few things. First... it will determine whether or not my body has healed enough to have my first CT/PET scan since having treatment. It will also determine whether or not I am ready to move forward with the next step of the clinical trial. You see... I have a couple more rounds of chemo I must get, along with more oral medications in order to complete the clinical trial. This is all part of my tailored Survivorship Care Plan. This also prolongs my treatment... which again, prevents me from getting a clean bill of health from the military.

If I had to predict my future... I think the military will rule against me staying in the service. I think they will offer me a medical retirement plan. Hopefully it will be at a high enough percentage that I can walk away without feeling robbed. If not, I will repeal their decision in hopes of getting to stay in the service. I also have the option of hiring a VA lawyer to fight the disability rating, thus increasing the percentage earned.

Right now... my future is quite cloudy. I suppose only time will tell. Right now, I need to focus on healing.

So, before I let you go, allow me to fill you in on my current medical status:

 The mucus is no more! My hair is growing back on the back side of my head, but not so much on my chin and neck. My saliva production has diminished quite a bit. I have been left with dry mouth, which is annoying, especially when my throat seizes up while talking. The fatigue I once had has greatly decreased. I still get tired, but not so much so I feel the need to sleep for hours on end. My neck burns are completely gone... although I am left with patches where my skin had peeled. My tongue sores are completely gone. My tongue is still numb, but that is a result of the surgery, not the chemo or radiation. My neck scar looks good. I'm still battling lymphedema, but not nearly as bad as it once was. And... I'm down a total of 30 pounds.

My taste is slowly returning. I can only taste bitter things... so food is still out, but beer is back on the table. I don't mean to sound like an alcoholic, but after not tasting anything for a month and a half... being able to taste anything is pure bliss. I was a HUGE fan of IPAs (India Pale Ale) which is a style of hoppy beer. IPAs are known for being very bitter. Imagine an extra bitter grapefruit. Anyways... IPAs taste like IPAs, which is one of the fears I had going into this journey (loosing the ability to enjoy an IPA.)

Well... I know that was a mouthful. Maybe I shouldn't have stopped blogging. Anyways, I will update you later as more critical information becomes available.

I hope you all are doing well. I greatly appreciate your continued support. Have a fantastic week!

Cheers!