I feel like we're coming to the end of an exhausting journey. I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the tongue on February 3rd, 2017. It has been a long journey... one I hope to never travel again. After fighting my way back from a major surgery, chemo, radiation, and months of psychological agony... I have just about reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
This will be the end of my daily blog entries. I will continue to update you as new information comes in, but my primary focus right now is to reintegrate myself with my home and work obligations. I hope to get myself back to a sense of normalcy. I have a little bit of healing left to do, but we're talking about some very minor stuff.
I can't claim victory until my PET/CT scans in August, but I can declare myself a fighter. Cancer is a horrific disease that no person should have to face. It take a warrior spirit to face this crap head-on. The journey is long and exhausting. It takes a toll both physically and psychologically. It forces people to address death as a possibility. It requires people to look inside themselves to determine what they are willing to sacrifice in order to buy more time here on Earth. It requires sacrifice. Whether it is the loss of a body part, a function, or one's quality of life... no one escapes cancer without paying their way via some sort of sacrifice.
I have thought about my journey extensively over the past few weeks. I was looking for a word that would describe this experience. The first work that came to me was survival. It sounded right... you hear many people claim to have survived cancer. But... I don't know that survival is the right word. I survived Hurricane Hugo. I survived flying on a plane which I had no control of. I survived a cruise without getting food poisoning. You see... people have no control of situation in which they survive. Defeating cancer is not a survival type situation. A person can choose whether of not they will fight their disease. They can choose whether or not to take their medications, complete their exercises, and attend their treatments. Most importantly, people can choose the demeanor they portray as they fight for their lives. You see... this isn't survival. This is a fight. Defeating cancer is work. It requires a fighter mindset. It requires courage and resilience. It requires a person to be a fighter.
The word I chose to best describe my bout with cancer is "fighter." In order to beat this disease, a person must be a fighter. You cannot simply wait it out and hope for the best. Cancer moves quickly, and doesn't discriminate against age, sex, or level of health. When it happens, a person must make a decision quickly whether or not that will sink or swim. So, in memory of these past five months, I got a tattoo on my forearm with the word "fighter." It was designed to look as though it was written with ribbon. The ribbon carries the colors representing head and neck cancer awareness: burgundy and ivory.
The tattoo represents the fight... not the outcome. I will not know whether or not I'm in the clear for awhile. Even after my initial PET and CT scans, I will be in remission for years. But, I feel comfortable in saying I gave it my all. Win or loose... I fought this crap the best I could.
Thank you all for walking alongside me throughout this journey. Your support allowed me to hold my head high, even when things got tough.
I will not keep you in the dark. As I learn new information, I will return to the blog to publish those updates. For now... I need to focus on getting my life back on track.
Before I leave you, I'd like to plug my fundraiser one last time. If you'd like to help me achieve my dream of hiking the Pacific Crest Trail... please visit my fundraiser page on GoFundMe:
https://www.gofundme.com/from-cancer-warrior-to-trail-junkie
Thank you all. You mean the world to me!
Chris
Good luck with everything Chris I'm back to work in 2 weeks time. Hope your 3 month scans are good
ReplyDelete